Happy New Year!

So how did 2011 treat you?
I found that my year was chalk-full of just about everything:
I started school
We are planning the kids' first trip to Disney
We have enriched and developed our relationships with old friends
And we have begun to get to know new friends
Some things that have become crystal-clear to me this past year are:
I am ever-changing. This is both good and bad; exciting and frightening
Family is THE most important thing to me- and that is not limited to family related only by blood
It is Ok to have a different opinion than someone els so long as-
-the other person doesn't require you to change
-you don't lose yourself in the other person's opinion
I'm not always right
Sometimes it is better to say nothing at all
I don't have to always be the one who
-lays it all out on the table
-tries to make it right
-tries to make everyone else happy
I am not great- or even very good- at resolutions.But I am going o try to commit to the following (not just for the year, but on-going):
-I will try to better honor boundaries: money, food, time, commitments
-I will will try to be more gracious and more graceful; I will try to keep negative thoughts and opinions to myself
-I will try to always look for the positive
-I will stand behind those I love and stand up for what I believe
-I will talk to God about everything first- and quit trying to handle it all on my own!
Blessings to you all in 2012. May your year be full of love, happiness, and joy!

Mourning the Divorce of a Friend

In what has become an all-too-familiar theme in life, I found out another friend of mine is getting a divorce. As is common in these situations, I had no idea and was taken totally off-guard. Not that all my friends have to keep me in the loop of their most private details, but you would think I would have some sort of clue, right?

I know all relationships have their ups & downs. Goodness knows hubby and I have had our share of both. But what, at the end of the day, is the "final straw" that makes a relationship die? It's a lot of hard work to keep a relationship afloat. But, especially when there are children, divorced parents still have to maintain some kind of relationship with their ex-spouse. That can't be easy. And there is a considerable amount of work that has to go into dividing up a household. Where do you even begin? And how do people afford to be divorced? We seem to barely be able to afford to work together toward the budget!

In my experience, the friends on whom I've always kept one eye, believing that I might very well expect a divorce announcement at any time, continue on through the rough patches and stay together. Fighting and disagreement seem to be an assumed cue for couples who are in trouble. Even my children become tense and paranoid when hubby and I share cross words. But fights don't necessarily earmark the divorces I've witnessed. In fact, in several cases, the couples whom I have believed to be strong, virtually impenetrable fortresses are the ones who have crumbled with no apparent warning.

How do you divorce-proof your marriage? Well, I am certainly no expert. But I'll tell you the main thing that I've heard from the people who I know who have gotten divorced: "We quit making each other a priority."

From there, they've "fallen out of love," "fallen in love with someone else," "worked too much," "quit talking to each other," "just weren't the same people we were when we got married."  The last one, to me, is a given. Hubby and I have been married seventeen years, and we dated for five before that. Neither of us are the same people we were twenty-two years ago (thank goodness!). We are certainly not infallible, either. But he and I have the same priorities: 1) God, 2) Each Other, 3) Our Children, 4) the rest of the world. (If he ever put the children in danger in any way, or put something else in front of them, I would have something to say about that.)

Death is sorrowful. The death of a relationship through divorce is disheartening and sad. I continue, as always, to keep my friends in my thoughts and prayers as they make their way during this difficult transition in their lives. I pray they come through happier and healthier on the other side. And I use this as a reminder to myself and my spouse that "but for the grace of God, there go I."

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