Thank You... I Think...

Image by woodleywonderworks via FlickrIn my lifetime I have received compliments. And, of course, I enjoy receiving them.

However, there are some that I could have done without. Thus, I have a list of my top "un-compliment" compliments. And, as luck would have it, I will now share them with you:

1. This one started out fairly nicely:
                 Them:"You've lost weight."
                     Me: "Thank you."
                  Them: "How did you do it?"
                     Me: "Well, I'm pregnant. And I've been very, very sick the first trimester."
                   Them: "Oh. Well..." (And here's where it goes bad.) "That's too bad that you're
                               pregnant... You really look good having lost weight."
      Too stunned, to speak, I merely smiled and walked away...

2.  The ultimate back-handed compliment:
                 Them: "You look great."
                      Me: "Thanks."
                  Them: "I mean, you lost A LOOOOOOTTTTT of weight."
                      Me:  "Um... Thanks?????"

3.  Them: "You have great teeth. They are so white."
             (Sounds okay on the surface, right?
              But what you should know is that he meant that as a romantic gesture.)

4. Weirdest ever:
     Them: "You are an excellent cook. How do you get your chicken so white?"
       Me: "Um... I boil it???"
      Them: "Huh..."

5.  Them: "You aren't THAT fat..."  (Need I say more?)

6.  Them: "You're hair is awesome."
       Me:  "Thank you.
     Them: "Is it really that thin, or do you have it specially cut that way?"
       Me:  "Oh, no, Um..."

As you can see, I've had lots of opportunity to feel good about myself in a bad way. I will keep the list updated as I receive more...

Hopefully it will be a while...

Zingers & Gotcha's

Image via WikipediaQuestion: Just because you CAN say something, does that really mean you SHOULD say something???

Answer: Sure- if you're on television.

However, if you live in the real world, sometimes it behooves you, as an adult, to be the better person and shut your trap.

On television and in movies, characters rip off one liners that verbally push the other person into a little corner. We celebrate the victory of the winner. We laugh at the wit and are impressed by the quickness of our new "hero."

We laughingly utter, "I can't believe they actually said that," as we shake our heads and grin.

We think, "I would've added ________," imagining our our own verbal sparring skills, and all the sarcastic and caustic ways we would finish off the scene.

On television and in the movie, the scene fades to black, and we imagine the whole issue has been put to rest and forgotten about.

HOWEVER, in REAL LIFE, the camera doesn't turn off. If we are the recipient of a verbal "throw down," our emotions have been turned over, turned on and are ready for round two.

Would it sound more "cool" to battle it out? Sure. Would it "feel" better to throw a great big temper tantrum and roll around on the floor, then congratulate ourselves for really "getting" the other guy? You betcha'.

Sometimes being a grown up stinks. Sometimes being the better person feels like you're actually being a better doormat.

But I don't know that life is always about feeling "triumphant".

I think it's more about the relationships we maintain and the way we treat other people.

The world tells us how cool it is to be the big shot. Christ tells us to love our neighbor.

Often I have thought, "Well, is it cheating if I love my neighbor SO much that his head just accidentally pops off?"

That would make me feel better- for the moment. But then again- life doesn't stop at the end of a conversation. So I have to think about what comes next. What is my next encounter going to be like?

Holding my tongue stinks. Struggling to hold my tongue makes me tired.

But if the ultimate goal is to effectively communicate with people to our mutual advantage- sometimes that's what I have to do.

In fact, I still have to resolve whatever issue it is I had with the person. But I have to do it in a mature, non-name-calling way.

Wish more people outside of my television set and off of my movie screen felt the same way.

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Is Lent That Stuff You Find in Your BellyButton?

Image via WikipediaNo.

That's Lint.

I'm talking about Lent.

It is a tradition in my church that to help learn discipline, we "give up" something for Lent each year. There is something comforting in sharing each others' misery as we bemoan whatever we're missing.

My father gives up sweets every single year. In the past, I've given up sweets; I've traded my time for bible study; I've given up going out to eat, and various other things.

This year my family has decided to give up television as a family. I expected a lot of resistance and much weeping and gnashing of teeth. However, they have been particularly good about it. (Especially since Sundays are not included in Lent, so we can watch television those days as a family.)

Prior to their Spring Break, we took a trip to Wal-Mart and bought out all their board games and craft supplies. We came home and compiled a list of alllll the things they could do that did not require television.

As a result, my kids are talking to each other more than fighting with each other (which I assure you is no small feat). They have enjoyed numerous board games and craft projects, and rarely even mention television at all.

Obviously, I am very proud of their faithfulness and discipline. I wish I had half of what they have.

I have given up more than just television. I decided I needed to get healthier so that I could be a better steward of my time, money and body. So to help jump start this process, I also gave up soda, FaceBook and fried foods. And I have chosen not to take the "day off" on Sundays, but rather plow on ahead (being the black & white kind of girl I am).

I have managed to not break down into tears in public as my kids order their McDonald's french fries and coke. And I have pulled myself away physically from the computer to keep from checking FaceBook. And every time, I think to myself, "Whose stupid idea was this, anyway?"... "Oh yeah, mine..."

When Easter comes, I will go back to my beloved FaceBook. However, I am choosing to permanently delete soda and fried foods from my diet (with the rare occasion of a treat).

My kids will get to watch television again. I hope that we can keep the drooling-zombie-inducing practice to a minimum. Perhaps a schedule that outlines the few times during the week we will watch it. Or maybe just watching it one day a week.

Either way, this experience is proving to be much more of a blessing than a chore. And we are all more appreciative of the things we once took for granted on a daily basis.

I guess that's the real reason for Lent.

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Snow Day with the "Naked Brothers Band"

Image via WikipediaEver heard of the "Naked Brothers Band"? If not, consider yourself lucky. Not that it's bad, per se. Just that it's taken over our day.

This snow day has consisted of back-to-back episodes of watching pre-teen, angst-ridden kids chasing each other around and trying to sing. (Think "Hannah Montana," but with nine year old boys.)

Needless to say, I'm rethinking my excitement over the whole snow day thing. But my kids? Oh my goodness- they are completely mesmerized.

Maybe it's the idea that anyone can be "famous". Or it's that marginal talent (coupled with famous parents) can make a "rock band". Or maybe it's just that there's nothing else on (that the kids are allowed to watch). But my kids are thrilled.

Me? My migraine from last night is not helped by this at all. I actually had to take an extra Exedrin.

What the kids don't know is that in a few minutes, the TV is going to go "to sleep" and they are going to read or do something more constructive than watching the "Naked Brothers Band" episodes back-to-back.

Now. For the big-time, serious question of the day: Will they be out for a snow day tomorrow, too?

I'm okay with it...  as long as we run out of "Naked Brothers Band" episodes before tomorrow!

Top 10 Fashion Tips By Me

Image by Brave New Films via Flickr
As the season begins to change, I'm beginning to see the new fashions come out, along with all the people who are wearing them. I thought this might be a good time to share my all-time Top 10 Fashion Tips By Me (Kristi: aka MommyBarbie). Believe me when I say, I try to take my own advice, and I do not think I am better than anyone else. I prefer to think of these more as "common sense," which, obviously, some people are sorely lacking. (Just saying.)


Here we go...


10. Moms who try to make their children (especially boys) wear jumpers and peter pan collars when the child is over four feet tall, should lose custody of the child.



9.  On the flip side of the coin, parents who allow their children to look "sexy" are not allowed to be surprised when their child takes on not-so-admirable behaviors (like running with a questionable crowd, having sex, and other such things).


8.  If you have a "muffin top" when you try to wear low-rise pants/shorts/jeans- please don't wear them.
 7.  Outfits that look really "sexy" on television and in the movies end up looking "trashy" and "sleazy" when a soccer mom tries to wear it while driving her mini van.



6.  "Sensible shoes" may feel great- but they can totally destroy even the most beautiful, well put-together outfit.


5.  Just because a piece of clothing comes in anything over a size 4 doesn't mean it should be worn by any of us who are slightly/some/much/lots larger.



4.  A "jury of your peers" will never convict a woman for killing a whiny, skinny woman for complaining that she "just can't gain weight" and "nothing looks good" on her.


3.  Just because some of the 80's fashions are back in style, does not mean you can wear the clothes you actually wore in the 80's.



2.  When someone says, "I mean this in the nicest way, but" or "I don't mean to sound mean, but," you are a "fashion don't".



1.  Just because something is "in style" doesn't mean YOU should wear it.



I'm sure I'm missing some. And some may have other tips that they feel should replace the one(s) I have listed. But I think we can all agree, this is at least a very good start.

To any who are offended by my list, I would contend that, like Shakespeare says, "Me thinks thou dost protest too much." (In other words- if it hits too close to home, maybe you're reluctant to admit you are a "fashion don't".)

My suggestion? Find a friend and ask them to be honest. If you still aren't sure, post a picture on Facebook. If you don't feel comfortable posting a picture, then you shouldn't wear it. (Just saying.)


Ciao for now...

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Box-itis

Image by rkelland via FlickrHave you ever seen the television show called "Hoarders"? It's where people have a phobia of throwing anything away, and they almost literally end up burying themselves alive in all their masses of "stuff."

I don't know that anyone in my family actually has come to this (thankfully). But it certainly wouldn't be a stretch to say that we all suffer from some fairly mild cases of "stuff-itis." We really don't like throwing much away, especially if we "might" use it. So we keep it, "just in case."

The most frustrating thing my family seems to suffer from (in spades) is what I call "Box-itis." It is the condition by which my children can't seem to throw away empty boxes. Now, they do manage to put them back where they would technically belong if they were full. But since they have consumed every last cookie, cracker or piece of cereal, the new proper place would actually be the trash can. But they can never seem to manage to get them there.

I have found empty ice cream containers in the freezer (much to my disappointment when going on an ice cream raid). I have pulled out lonely popcorn boxes who only smell like the buttered popcorn they once contained. My children have even managed to fool me with my own purse, putting an empty packet of chewing gum back into its formerly proper spot. The worst thing they've done to me is to leave the empty Diet Coke box in the refrigerator, tempting me to take out my lack-of-caffeine rage on some unsuspecting children.

If I could ever teach them how to achieve freedom from "Box-itis," my next venture would be to teach them how to also kick the "Wrapper-itis" condition, along with the "Shoe-itis," "Book-itis," and "Paper-itis." "Paper-itis" is particularly bad after school when they are cleaning out their backpacks and pitch paper wildly about in order to keep their backpack "clean."

For now, I just have to get a handle on their "Box-itis". It is making me crazy. And at least twice I've not bought something at the grocery store because we supposedly had a box full of it at home. At the very least, I need them to add a box- of wine. So that I can toast their  ingenuity and their obedience at putting the box "back where they found it." (Figures they listen to that, right?)

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Boop Boop Be Doo

Image via WikipediaAll of my children are very creative. My eldest can make up an entire civilization and have the people/creatures live and battle. He is also an excellent artist that can draw characters to rival any comic book.

My middle child loves to make more domestic creations. She is more at home with a cookbook and a sewing pattern than many adults I know. And she has a musical ear that lets her hum beautiful melodies made up on the spot.

My youngest is still figuring it all out. She is terribly creative. But she's also impulsive. So most of her creations have to be completed in one sitting or else she loses interest. She also is very open to suggestion from movies, books, friends and television.

Her current obsession is Betty Boop. I was floored when she announced one day she wanted to redecorate her room all in Betty Boop. I had no idea she even knew who Betty Boop was. Then I discovered that an admired counselor from summer camp was a huge fan. Now almost all of my youngest daughter's projects are Betty Boop related (unless they are Justin Bieber related, which is another on-going obsession).

This morning she brought me a sock puppet. It was an old white sock (well, it was more like an earthy white, since it was an old sock) she had stuffed with tissue paper. She had cinched the top with a rubber band and stuck strings of old white yarn underneath to make hair. Then she found an old lip gloss container in the shape (and approximate size) of lips, which she secured with a rubber band.

When she presented this "puppet" to me, she proudly announced, "Momma, this is Betty Boop."

Then she asked if I would help her sew on some buttons for her eyes. I explained that it would have to be after school, since it was almost time to go. Amazingly enough, she was okay with that plan.

She followed me around with her "puppet" in hand, chattering away about the clothes she would make for it and so on. I listened and eyed the pitiful thing, wondering if there was any way to spruce it up a bit.

Then, my precious daughter said, "I would put arms on it, but then it would just look silly."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek very hard and turn away to keep from laughing and hurting her feelings. This poor sock monster looks more like a dog toy that the dog has already chewed and thrown aside. But in her mind, it was, is and will be Betty Boop.

Thank goodness for Imagination. It is, after all, the Mother of Invention.

And, I know one day her sock monsters- er, I mean, sock puppets- will be a thing of the past, and I will miss them.

But for this morning, and for now, Betty Boop's creator is probably busily rolling over in their grave at the likes of this creation. And I got a good laugh to start my day.

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