My son, Keith, bless him, is a precious, precious boy. However, he is officially a teen, and by definition requires that the entire world revolve around him. He is actually very thoughtful of others- by teenaged standards, or anyone else's for that matter...
He does have this "thing" that drives me up the wall though: he must have music playing 24/7 and it must be his music.
He has a computer, an I-pod touch, a cell phone and a stereo, all which play music. But that is not enough, it seems. He must also commandeer my car. And it's not enough to listen to the horrific junk that comes from the radio. No. He must also immediately eject all my CD's from my CD player upon entering the vehicle.
Today I called him on it. "Son, please leave my CD player alone."
"But you like Michael Buble'!" (pronounced as though he had just eaten a bite of raw chicken)
"Yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Why can't we listen to your CD player? My favorite CD is (I'm paraphrasing) The Black Hole of Death that plays, what can be termed loosely as, music, which is actually just one note and one word played over and over again, specifically designed to make parents insane." Keith slumped down into his seat and frowned at the car in front of us.
"Um. No. How about you listen to the radio?"
"Hmfph"
"Okay... How about your I-pod touch? With your earbuds?"
"That's so not fair! You always get to listen to what you want!"
"Oh, child. If you only knew..." I sighed. "I'm sorry I just really, really can't listen to The Black Hole of Death."
"Why? They're awesome!"
"Well, that's debatable."
"You just have no taste," he sniffed.
"Well, you are out of road." I pulled to our destination, stopped the car and let him out to go into the building.
Then I turned on my Michael Buble' and sang at the top of my lungs. I half-way hoped someone would stop me and ask me whose mother I was just so I could tell them that I was Keith's mother and that sometimes he listened to Michael Buble' in the car with me, too.
After I calmed down a bit, I turned on The Black Hole of Death and chanted along with their female-bashing lyrics and danced all the way to the store. After all, it is my car... Right?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
When "Free" Ain't "Free"
So, occasionally I get coupons for free movies. Now, Red Box is only $1 a night. But really, how do you beat "free"?
Tonight I got a coupon on my phone. Keith and I were excited to go get our "free" movie, which almost always costs me more than it would have if I had just purchased it due to late fees from forgetting to turn it back in.
We went to the first Red Box, and low-and-behold it was broken. Being a problem-solver by nature, I called the 1-800 number on the box to see if they could remotely fix the problem. After being on eternal hold for long enough to hear their "commercial" loop six times, I finally got Ron. Ron was very kind, but could not fix the box.
Ron gave me a "free" movie rental for my trouble, though. Now we had two "free" movies, and no movie.
Next, we went to the Red Box in McDonald's, determined to get a stupid movie for "free." There was a line at this Red Box that was five people deep. I was ready to leave; Keith was not deterred.
The first people in front of the screen were like those people who only come out of the house once a year. They poured over the selections like they were studying for a test. In the end, they threw their hands up and left with no movie.
The second group had found "free" coupon codes online. They kept punching in codes, never actually getting a "free" movie. They left with a movie, happy anyway.
The next two were only returning movies, but seemed to have quite a few difficulties inserting the movie correctly. Keith did an excellent job of not ripping it out of their hand(s) and doing it for them.
Finally, it was our turn. We began making our selection. We scrolled through once quickly, then hit "go back to start" to put our movie "in our cart."
Suddenly, the computer shut down. The DOS screen came up and the cursor blinked. Then Windows flashed on the screen. Keith and I were laughing hysterically at this point.
Then, sadly, the error message from Red Box appeared on the screen. "This is temporarily out of order. We apologize for your inconvenience." Really?
So, now our score is: Two "Free" coupons for Red Box movies, Two Red Box stations, No movies.
Keith tried to convince me to stop at a third Red Box. I said, "Uhm, no. Not gonna' happen. If we have a third one break while we're around it, we may be banned from Red Boxes- no matter how many 'free' coupons we have."
So, we went home and watched some shows we had recorded on our DVR.
Maybe tomorrow we'll try our "free" coupons again...
Tonight I got a coupon on my phone. Keith and I were excited to go get our "free" movie, which almost always costs me more than it would have if I had just purchased it due to late fees from forgetting to turn it back in.
We went to the first Red Box, and low-and-behold it was broken. Being a problem-solver by nature, I called the 1-800 number on the box to see if they could remotely fix the problem. After being on eternal hold for long enough to hear their "commercial" loop six times, I finally got Ron. Ron was very kind, but could not fix the box.
Ron gave me a "free" movie rental for my trouble, though. Now we had two "free" movies, and no movie.
Next, we went to the Red Box in McDonald's, determined to get a stupid movie for "free." There was a line at this Red Box that was five people deep. I was ready to leave; Keith was not deterred.
The first people in front of the screen were like those people who only come out of the house once a year. They poured over the selections like they were studying for a test. In the end, they threw their hands up and left with no movie.
The second group had found "free" coupon codes online. They kept punching in codes, never actually getting a "free" movie. They left with a movie, happy anyway.
The next two were only returning movies, but seemed to have quite a few difficulties inserting the movie correctly. Keith did an excellent job of not ripping it out of their hand(s) and doing it for them.
Finally, it was our turn. We began making our selection. We scrolled through once quickly, then hit "go back to start" to put our movie "in our cart."
Suddenly, the computer shut down. The DOS screen came up and the cursor blinked. Then Windows flashed on the screen. Keith and I were laughing hysterically at this point.
Then, sadly, the error message from Red Box appeared on the screen. "This is temporarily out of order. We apologize for your inconvenience." Really?
So, now our score is: Two "Free" coupons for Red Box movies, Two Red Box stations, No movies.
Keith tried to convince me to stop at a third Red Box. I said, "Uhm, no. Not gonna' happen. If we have a third one break while we're around it, we may be banned from Red Boxes- no matter how many 'free' coupons we have."
So, we went home and watched some shows we had recorded on our DVR.
Maybe tomorrow we'll try our "free" coupons again...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Curiosity Kills the Cat- or the Hamster
As a parent, there are times that the situation calls for you to be very serious and a strict disciplinarian. But all you really want to do is laugh really hard and possibly even be a little impressed with your child's ingenuity.
When Amy was little we had a cat named Cocoa. Cocoa was a very good cat overall. She tolerated Amy dressing her up in doll clothes- when Amy could catch her. And she even allowed Amy to lay on top of her.
At some point, Amy decided she wanted a dog. Hubby, in his ultimate wisdom, told Amy that we couldn't get a dog until we didn't have the cat. Any mother will tell you that you must give more perimeters to such a statement, or your children's little imaginations will take it and run.
A day or two later, I saw poor Cocoa come streaking through the den, mad and wet. I followed the water trail back to the bathroom, where Amy proclaimed she was trying to get rid of the cat so we could have a dog- by flushing Cocoa down the toilet. She truly did not mean to hurt the cat. She merely used her problem-solving skills to come up with a way to get a dog.
This story has become legend in our family and amongst friends. I imagined it could never be topped. This weekend it was.
A friend of ours has a very cute, precocious young boy, (I'll call him Bobby) with too much intelligence for his own good. He has been known to pick locks like Houdini in order to escape and go play with friends. He also has done many other things that will ultimately make his parents gray at a very early age- if they are able to keep from pulling all their hair out.
Bobby's sisters had hamsters, whom they loved very much. Bobby loved playing with them, too. But he was always looking for how things work and how to entertain himself.
Apparently, one of the sister's hamsters wound up in Bobby's closet, nesting happily in a pile of his clothes and toys. The rodent was only found after discovering a trail of hamster pellets that led the family to the closet.
The other sister's hamster was not nearly as fortunate. Bobby needed to know if hamsters could swim. And he had a fascination with the toilet and how things seemingly disappeared into a circular water slide. Hamster Number Two met his untimely death by being sucked down into Bobby's toilet. The rodent is gone.
Now, when my friend told me this, I understood inherently that I was supposed to be shocked and appalled. That is no way to treat animals. They are not supposed to be harmed in any way by us humans, who have taken them on as pets, and should treat them kindly.
However, I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Why? Because it is so surreal and so dang funny. NOT that the hamster died, of course! But that this little blond ball of cute boy so innocently wanted to see how the toilet worked. And that he was able to retrieve the hamster undetected. And that the hamster didn't just swirl around the bowl- but actually was sucked down, not to be found ever again.
My poor friend. I feel her pain. Amy -and hubby and I- will never live down poor Cocoa (who is now happily living on a farm and chasing mice to her heart's content). My friend, her hubby and Bobby will never live down "the Great Hamster Event of Summer 2010."
I think my friend is getting Bobby's sister a replacement hamster- and a lock for sister's door.
Bobby got in big, fat trouble. But he's exactly the kind of kid who grows up to build priceless inventions. At least, I hope...
When Amy was little we had a cat named Cocoa. Cocoa was a very good cat overall. She tolerated Amy dressing her up in doll clothes- when Amy could catch her. And she even allowed Amy to lay on top of her.
At some point, Amy decided she wanted a dog. Hubby, in his ultimate wisdom, told Amy that we couldn't get a dog until we didn't have the cat. Any mother will tell you that you must give more perimeters to such a statement, or your children's little imaginations will take it and run.
A day or two later, I saw poor Cocoa come streaking through the den, mad and wet. I followed the water trail back to the bathroom, where Amy proclaimed she was trying to get rid of the cat so we could have a dog- by flushing Cocoa down the toilet. She truly did not mean to hurt the cat. She merely used her problem-solving skills to come up with a way to get a dog.
This story has become legend in our family and amongst friends. I imagined it could never be topped. This weekend it was.
A friend of ours has a very cute, precocious young boy, (I'll call him Bobby) with too much intelligence for his own good. He has been known to pick locks like Houdini in order to escape and go play with friends. He also has done many other things that will ultimately make his parents gray at a very early age- if they are able to keep from pulling all their hair out.
Bobby's sisters had hamsters, whom they loved very much. Bobby loved playing with them, too. But he was always looking for how things work and how to entertain himself.
Apparently, one of the sister's hamsters wound up in Bobby's closet, nesting happily in a pile of his clothes and toys. The rodent was only found after discovering a trail of hamster pellets that led the family to the closet.
The other sister's hamster was not nearly as fortunate. Bobby needed to know if hamsters could swim. And he had a fascination with the toilet and how things seemingly disappeared into a circular water slide. Hamster Number Two met his untimely death by being sucked down into Bobby's toilet. The rodent is gone.
Now, when my friend told me this, I understood inherently that I was supposed to be shocked and appalled. That is no way to treat animals. They are not supposed to be harmed in any way by us humans, who have taken them on as pets, and should treat them kindly.
However, I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. Why? Because it is so surreal and so dang funny. NOT that the hamster died, of course! But that this little blond ball of cute boy so innocently wanted to see how the toilet worked. And that he was able to retrieve the hamster undetected. And that the hamster didn't just swirl around the bowl- but actually was sucked down, not to be found ever again.
My poor friend. I feel her pain. Amy -and hubby and I- will never live down poor Cocoa (who is now happily living on a farm and chasing mice to her heart's content). My friend, her hubby and Bobby will never live down "the Great Hamster Event of Summer 2010."
I think my friend is getting Bobby's sister a replacement hamster- and a lock for sister's door.
Bobby got in big, fat trouble. But he's exactly the kind of kid who grows up to build priceless inventions. At least, I hope...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
You Can't Get Married Without My Children
I'm in a grumpy mood tonight? Why?
I just came back from a beautiful wedding. It was an outdoor venue set in a beautiful garden.
The service was lovely. The bride was exquisite. The food was scrumptious.
So, what's the problem?
Well, all of the invitations contained the specific request by the bride and groom that no children would attend. Hubby and I made the effort to find child care for our kids and went to the wedding.
When we got there, we were more than a little shocked to find that apparently we were the only ones who respected the couple's wishes. They had all brought their children- of all ages- anyway.
How rude!
I guess they decided that if, as a guest, they had decided to honor the bride and groom with their presence, and bring a gift for them, that they had the right to ignore their specific instructions.
I am completely over people and their sense of entitlement! (That belief that the world must revolve around them, and that whatever they deem to be acceptable to float around in their universe was okay. All else must shuttle off to some other dimension.)
It's not just at weddings, either. It's the man who cuts people off in traffic because he feels like his business is more important than anyone else's, so he has every right to cut in front of everyone else. Or the woman who believes her home, food, car, schooling, health insurance and everything else should be paid for by the government- indefinitely- just because she had a baby.
They go hand-in-hand with the people who believe that nothing could ever be their fault. "I killed my friend because my dad beat me." Oh, well, okay. That makes total sense, and I think you should totally be excused. NOT!
Some years ago, a woman spilled hot coffee in her lap and sued McDonald's. It created a landslide of stupid people who continue to blame the world for their stupidity. And now it's filtered down to the fact that nothing is anyone's fault anymore, and everyone is entitled to whatever they desire just because they breathe air.
When I got home after the wedding I gave my kids a couple of hugs each. I told them how much I appreciated them allowing mommy and daddy to go to the wedding and how sorry I was they didn't get to go.
They shrugged it off and said it was no big deal. They were actually happy they didn't have to go.
You know what? I bet all the kids at that wedding probably felt that same way. But their moms and dads taught them that the world owed them this wedding because they were cute, or funny, or just because they were the son or daughter of their parents.
Maybe the bride and groom should have invited the kids and asked the parents to stay at home.
Everything else aside, I wish blessings and happiness to the bride and groom. I offer my apologies on behalf of all your rude guests who decided they were more important than you today. I pray you will be blessed with friends and family who will learn to put aside themselves for you. And that you will continue to teach your children the value of respect and accountability.
Blessings,
MommyBarbie
I just came back from a beautiful wedding. It was an outdoor venue set in a beautiful garden.
The service was lovely. The bride was exquisite. The food was scrumptious.
So, what's the problem?
Well, all of the invitations contained the specific request by the bride and groom that no children would attend. Hubby and I made the effort to find child care for our kids and went to the wedding.
When we got there, we were more than a little shocked to find that apparently we were the only ones who respected the couple's wishes. They had all brought their children- of all ages- anyway.
How rude!
I guess they decided that if, as a guest, they had decided to honor the bride and groom with their presence, and bring a gift for them, that they had the right to ignore their specific instructions.
I am completely over people and their sense of entitlement! (That belief that the world must revolve around them, and that whatever they deem to be acceptable to float around in their universe was okay. All else must shuttle off to some other dimension.)
It's not just at weddings, either. It's the man who cuts people off in traffic because he feels like his business is more important than anyone else's, so he has every right to cut in front of everyone else. Or the woman who believes her home, food, car, schooling, health insurance and everything else should be paid for by the government- indefinitely- just because she had a baby.
They go hand-in-hand with the people who believe that nothing could ever be their fault. "I killed my friend because my dad beat me." Oh, well, okay. That makes total sense, and I think you should totally be excused. NOT!
Some years ago, a woman spilled hot coffee in her lap and sued McDonald's. It created a landslide of stupid people who continue to blame the world for their stupidity. And now it's filtered down to the fact that nothing is anyone's fault anymore, and everyone is entitled to whatever they desire just because they breathe air.
When I got home after the wedding I gave my kids a couple of hugs each. I told them how much I appreciated them allowing mommy and daddy to go to the wedding and how sorry I was they didn't get to go.
They shrugged it off and said it was no big deal. They were actually happy they didn't have to go.
You know what? I bet all the kids at that wedding probably felt that same way. But their moms and dads taught them that the world owed them this wedding because they were cute, or funny, or just because they were the son or daughter of their parents.
Maybe the bride and groom should have invited the kids and asked the parents to stay at home.
Everything else aside, I wish blessings and happiness to the bride and groom. I offer my apologies on behalf of all your rude guests who decided they were more important than you today. I pray you will be blessed with friends and family who will learn to put aside themselves for you. And that you will continue to teach your children the value of respect and accountability.
Blessings,
MommyBarbie
Friday, June 4, 2010
With a Bow on Top
We are officially in the thick of what I call, "Gift Season." It starts at about Mother's Day and doesn't stop until school starts back. We are buying gifts for moms, then grads, then weddings and babies. And none of these gifts are cheap.
Actually, though, with having kids, our "Gift Season" is pretty much year-round. We have birthday parties upon birthday parties. And each one of them require a gift. We should buy stock in Justice. And Target. And, now, with the older kids, I-Tunes.
Every once in a while we have someone who insists they don't want gifts. Instead, they want donations for a charity. I think this is so wonderful and commendable.
My own Emma has done this, asking for money to go to the Ronald McDonald's House, for families of children who are having serious medical problems, and have been displaced for medical treatment. I was particularly happy to not have all the extra toys and do-dad's. But I also could not have been more proud.
In the "Official Parenting Brochure," they should mention the gift thing in the "Expenses" portion. Figure $20 - $25 per gift. Then figure at least one birthday party every other week. Multiply that by the number of children you have. Then figure in some weddings, Mother's Day, Father's Day, baby showers and other miscellaneous gifts.
Oh, and don't forget that your children will need Christmas and Birthday gifts. And those aren't $20 - $25 a piece. And, generally speaking, they do not appreciate donations being made in their honor in lieu of gifts.
I hope you are all having a good "Gift Season." My your obligation and generosity not exceed your wallet.
Actually, though, with having kids, our "Gift Season" is pretty much year-round. We have birthday parties upon birthday parties. And each one of them require a gift. We should buy stock in Justice. And Target. And, now, with the older kids, I-Tunes.
Every once in a while we have someone who insists they don't want gifts. Instead, they want donations for a charity. I think this is so wonderful and commendable.
My own Emma has done this, asking for money to go to the Ronald McDonald's House, for families of children who are having serious medical problems, and have been displaced for medical treatment. I was particularly happy to not have all the extra toys and do-dad's. But I also could not have been more proud.
In the "Official Parenting Brochure," they should mention the gift thing in the "Expenses" portion. Figure $20 - $25 per gift. Then figure at least one birthday party every other week. Multiply that by the number of children you have. Then figure in some weddings, Mother's Day, Father's Day, baby showers and other miscellaneous gifts.
Oh, and don't forget that your children will need Christmas and Birthday gifts. And those aren't $20 - $25 a piece. And, generally speaking, they do not appreciate donations being made in their honor in lieu of gifts.
I hope you are all having a good "Gift Season." My your obligation and generosity not exceed your wallet.
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