Friday, November 7, 2008


It has taken me a while to quit sputtering and form actual sentences to even approach this subject. And I hardly even know where to start.

I have had a struggle with the whole "turning 40" deal. Why? Probably because in my mind, I can still remember the 18-year-old me who thought 40 was seconds away from "dead." And, even though I realize how foolish and naive that was of me, I still built in certain expectations of what I "should" be and what I "should" have accomplished by 40.

As with any expectations set up by someone who doesn't have enough information about the subject matter, I set the bar too high, and I ultimately fell very short. That is not to say I am not happy at 40. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.

But there has still been this nagging at the back of my mind that has made me restless and, quite frankly, a little cranky: At 40 my life should have been "set." I "should" have been financially secure, have a dream home, a dream career, perfect children, perfect discipline to maintain my schedule and fabulous body, and the ability to mentor other "young adults" to follow in my footsteps to attain their "set" life at 40, too.

Well, let's just say "HA" doesn't begin to cover it... Again, I am very happy. But my Utopia is light years away from where I'm actually standing.

That being said, hubby was spectacular for my 40th birthday. He had the day arranged to perfection, leaving me feeling happy, content and loved by my family and friends. I was feeling like maybe my original Utopia was a great "idea," but that my reality was far better. (Of course, there is always room for improvement on the the finances, career, etc.)

So, here's the rub: I opened my e-mail the day after my 40th and there was an invitation to join AARP.

I called my husband and my friend to yell at them for such a terrible joke. They both laughed and swore they didn't send it- which to them made it even funnier.

I was not laughing.. Not happy. Not even slightly amused.

Here I finally make peace with the Big 4-0, and AARP sends me an application so that I can get my Depends, wheel chair accessories and oxygen tanks at a discount...

...So, I'm thinking, well, if they sent me the app, I might as well join, right? That way I can at least order the blue plate specials, shop at Khol's on Tuesdays and get 10% off on wine at the liquor store on Mondays...

...Then I won't care how old I am... LOL

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