Thursday, November 6, 2008

Gone to the Dogs

A very tired Mommy Barbie poses the questions:

  • Why do dogs only get sick at 2:00 AM?

  • Why can they only barf and poop on carpeted areas?

  • What possesses them to want to 'kiss' you with their barf lips?

  • And why on earth do they try to eat their own barf and/or poop?"

All I know is it's a good thing God made dogs so darn cute (especially my little shih tsu/maltese mix) or else puppy would have gone to that great doggie play yard in the sky last night. She seems better this morning.

In fact, she was wiggling and wagging her tail like she had just had the best night of sleep ever. I swear she was laughing at me as I stumbled down the stairs to let her go outside to the bathroom.

And you know, while I'm at it, what's the deal with dogs going outside to the bathroom for, like, thirty minutes, and then coming in and peeing on the carpet in front of the door??? My vet said she was "passive/aggressive" and suggested Prozac (I promise I am not making this up). I politely declined.

After I had left I stopped to reconsider; Maybe the dog doesn't need the Prozac. Maybe I do! But really, how much good is a Prozac dosage for a six pound dog going to do me? It's like giving one mini M & M to a chocoholic: just enough to make us mad.

Puppy seemed much better this morning. I figure she probably ate some grass outside that didn't agree with her, or something equally intelligent like that. (Okay, who eats grass???-- Besides dogs who eat their own poop. And Martha Stewart, who I swear, uses it in various recipes. And I am not talking the slang term for marijuana, either. I'm talking Bermuda.)

Hopefully we'll all sleep better tonight. If puppy has another barf-fest I may have to resort to putting her outside (if it's not too cold).

I hate to do that, though, because by all definitions, puppy considers herself a human and she would be greatly offended to be tossed out like a commoner. Having to go to the bathroom outside in front of other people is embarrassing enough for her. Especially when one of the kids has "dressed" her in one of her doggie outfits. She just keeps her head down a little so she can't see the other dogs in the neighborhood laughing at her.

But if it comes down to me staying up all night another night for a dog, or me sleeping while said dog barfs in the back yard (and not my carpet)- let's just say puppy is in for a long night. Maybe it won't come to that, though. Maybe she's fine and she'll curl up next to me in the bed.

Either way, everyone in the household will benefit from me getting some sleep tonight. And that's exactly what I plan to do.

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