Thursday, April 16, 2009

Gone to the Dogs

I absolutely mean no offense to anyone, but I must beg the question: can animals be retarded? More specifically, can a dog have such a low IQ that, if it were a person, it would qualify for special education and/or state funding?

If yes, then I am certain my dog is part of this group.

If not, then we may want to consider establishing a new group.

Dixie is just the cutest little puff of fur you have ever seen. She is part Shiz Tzu and part Maltese (and quite possibly part cat, since her favorite perch is on top of my couch). She has the sweetest face, and a wonderful disposition. She loves, loves, loves her mamma (me).

HOWEVER, she is the most incontinent dog you have ever seen in your life! She is three years old, and still can not be left alone for more than three minutes, lest she leave a huge pee spot in the floor. (She will probably poop, too- but she eats it, so I have no evidence.)

The dog can go outside, walk around the block, then hang out on her leash in the back yard for an hour. But as soon as she walks in the door and is alone, she will just pull up a piece of carpet and relieve herself.

No amount of begging, pleading, bribing or beating has made a difference. The vet says she could be passive/aggressive and suggested Prozac. I laughed and said, "no." Now- I'm reconsidering.

Literally every inch of carpet in our home needs to be ripped up and replaced. To be fair, she is the fourth pet to contribute to the "problem." However, her "contributions" have been far more substantial than the other three put together!

We also potty-trained two children in this home. So, there was the occasional "oops" when they didn't make it to the bathroom in time. But, at least they felt uncomfortable and requested a wardrobe change. The dog doesn't seem to notice.

We resorted to blocking off the kitchen and leaving her on the linoleum when we were away from the house. She evidently can fly or vaporize and re-materialize on the other side of the huge blockades we have erected on either side of the kitchen. Because in the afternoons when I come home, she has gotten out of her "fortress" and is perched, happily wagging her tail, on the back of the couch.

We were told that dogs NEVER go to the bathroom where they sleep. So we put her in her kennel. Not only did she go to the bathroom, she rolled in it. So she had poop (what she hadn't eaten) matted in her white, soft fur (ICK) and her paws were literally yellow from the pee.

Whenever we say, "Ooh, Dixie, you stink!," she looks perplexed. She hates having her nose rubbed in pee, but only because she doesn't like being held down. The smell really doesn't seem to bother her that much.

I'm certain even the Dog Whisperer would decide this dog has problems. I am totally out of options to make this dog stop using my home as a potty. And it's GROSS!

We have a steam cleaner which gets hauled out just about every twenty four hours. Hubby works for a company that has some GREAT cleaning products, which we have used A LOT. Quite frankly, I am amazed we have any fibers left in our carpets, considering the scrubbing we do.


She does go to the vet tomorrow for her yearly shots. I am going to ask the vet if they have some magic corks I can put in her. Or if I can feed her cleaning products, so at least if she pees on my carpet, she will make it clean...


I'll keep you posted...

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