Sign Me Up for SPAM! NOT!

Image by brizzle born and bred via FlickrI am an admitted "sign me up now" junkie.

It's sad really. I can't help it.

Evidently there is some sort of camera on my computer that allows internet businesses to hone in on the "SUCKER" stamped across my forehead. I'm minding my own business, browsing through the internet, (usually late at night when I'm drowsy and my common sense is snoozing) when I see some ad that promises youth, wealth, beauty, brilliance, creativity-- "and all for FREE". Wow! All that for FREE??? Sign me up!

And in goes my email address. And I'm signed up. For life.

Despite the fact that all these great offers promise you they "won't share your private information" and that "you can unsubscribe at any time," I have the sneaky feeling that they might be LYING!

Not only do I get solicited via email for stuff I would NEVER, EVER sign up for, when I try to unsubscribe, I usually end up jumping through a series of hoops which never get to that magical "Thank you. You are now unsubscribed." In fact, I'm pretty sure that when I try to unsubscribe, it is actually just subscribing me to additional lists.

The worst part? It's my own fault!

But really- Who doesn't want to lose 35 pounds in 14 days by following one simple tip? Who doesn't want to get free designer hand bags and shoes you get to test and keep, and only have to fill out a short survey to help the manufacturer? Who wouldn't want to clip coupons so valuable that the supermarket will have to pay you to take the groceries? Of course I want a free iPad, iMac, iPhone and iPod for simply completing offers from two sponsors.

I am a glutton for punishment and an advertiser's dream come true.

The result of all these impulse mouse clicks is an email inbox stuffed to over-flowing every time I turn on my computer.

I almost need a little shock system installed in my computer keyboard that zaps me when I initiate a certain series of key strokes that are required for almost every smoozy deal out there.

What is your name?

Key Stroke: K-R-I  **ZAP**

See? Sign up aborted; Junk email avoided.

*sigh*

If it were only that easy....

For now, I guess I'll continue to get email offers: for diapers, although my youngest child is 9; for AARP membership, even though I'm not even 45 yet; and for everything in between...

You know, maybe there's a course or a self-help book that would help curb my impulse clicking. I think I'll see if I can sign up for a blog or free offer...

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Disconnected

Image via WikipediaMy Apple Macbook laptop had a small crack in the case. It ran fine. It did everything I needed it to do. And I loved/love it!

Hubby was concerned about the crack. He wanted to make sure it didn't turn into a hole. And I decided he was probably right since a hole would involve some of my keys falling into the laptop. Probably not a very easy way to use a computer.

We packed it up and carried it down to BestBuy. I reverently placed it in the hands of their very capable Geek Squad and waited for their diagnosis.

They said the condition was beyond their expertise and they would need to send it off. I was nervous. I felt like I was sending a child off without my guardianship.

Then they said it would probably be two weeks. Two weeks? Without my laptop? Yikes. My life is in that thing.

Hubby had the foresight to back it up for me- just in case they decided to do something that would erase everything on it. But the back up is one of those little external memory devices.

My husband's antiquated computer is about as effective as a paper weight. (You can actually hear the little hamsters spinning on their wheels trying to make the thing go.) So trying to get anything from the back up to his computer is futile.

My kids' computers are all netbooks. They are not very viable resources for retrieving information either. Not to mention that hubby has installed some sort of safety software to keep the kids out of trouble. However, it will barely allow me to google anything, much less get on any kind of website to use any information I might need.

My best bet is my work computer. But then I feel guilty. Even though I'd be off the clock.

So for the time being, I'm retrieving my emails and checking Facebook from my BlackBerry phone. I'm blogging from Hubby's computer. And I'm writing everything else long-hand on a tablet of paper with a pen.

This is going to be the longest two weeks in the history of earth. So, please bear with me if you are looking for something from me. Be assured I'm not ignoring you. I just can't get to you. :(

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