Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Not-so-Green Grass of Home

MTD Yard Machines Lawn Mower 4.5HP Tecumseh En...Image via Wikipedia
My yard looks like a sea of brown with little islands of green. In each little island, there are happy weeds waving in the breeze (when the breeze decides to blow).

I'm realistic: I've totally given up hope on getting "Yard of the Month." But is it too much to ask to have either a green yard, or a dead yard?

As it stands, I'm a little concerned about mowing my little islands. I'm afraid the lawnmower will spark and catch the whole yard on fire. But the tall (waist-high) weeds are too close together to take a weed whacker to the offensive roughage.

My solution? Get my thirteen year old to do it. Sounded brilliant to me. But thirteen year old balked.

"It's too hot."  "Can I borrow a riding lawn mower? I don't want to use the push mower." "Can I wait until next week?"

However, same child will wear long sleeves and jeans outside- "because it looks cool." Um, no. When I have to call 911 because you were too stupid to take off your jacket in the 104 degree heat- that's quite the opposite of cool. In fact, it is UNcool.

But, if you really want to sweat, sweetie, you may mow my little weed islands. Thank you.

I'm waiting for our Home Owner's Association to send me a nasty-gram to tell me they are fining me for my grass being too long. Of course, I will object. After all, my "grass" is brown and flat to the dirt. Only my "weeds" are too tall.

And if I get a letter for my weeds being an "eyesore", I'll definitely have something to say about the neighbor man who walks around the block in black socks talking to himself. Of course, I guess I should be grateful he doesn't try to talk to me.

On the plus side, I have a beautiful red single flower blooming down sort of by my mailbox. And the weeds are quite healthy and growing well, despite the money we've been shelling out for the lawn service to come spray.

In fact, I've decided that maybe instead of trying to grow grass, I should cancel the lawn service and grow weeds, since they seem to thrive in my yard. Oh, but then instead of islands, I would have an entire yard of waist-high "grass/weeds". Then I really would have to mow...  Nah...

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