Saturday, July 11, 2009

Bad Mommy!

When you "sign up" as a parent, you know that you are going to have "good days" and "bad days." You know you will have times when you could when "Parent of the Year" award, and there will be times that you would die of embarrassment if your behavior was caught on camera.
But above all, you don't want to do anything that would intentionally hurt your child. You never, ever want to have you child suffer needlessly at your hand.
You count on your "inner voice" to keep you from "crossing that line." You hope your advantage of more life experience will actually make you make better decisions than your child.
When you "mess up," the amount of grief, remorse and self-loathing is immeasurable.
Recently, I made a decision that, even at the time, I knew better than to make. My inner-adult voice was reeling against my temples, begging me to listen.
But I was blinded by some big brown eyes. And an overwhelming desire to satisfy my own inner-child.
I let my youngest child by a kitten. A beautiful, sweet, red long-haired, gray-eyed, eleven-month-old kitten, named Tigger.
I saw the little darling and was absolutely smitten. I love cats, and I always have. Their graceful movements and big, expressive eyes. They are my favorite animal.
However... hubby and son are horribly allergic to them.
In fact, we have tried once before to have a cat. But hubby and son spent the entire time with a stuffy nose and red, watery eyes.
So, suffice to say, I knew better. I knew better!
I am the adult. It is MY responsibility to act like one.
But I did not. Instead, I threw cat food, cat litter, a litter box, a litter scooper, a toy and some snacks into the cart, very nearly skipping to the check out.
Even as I write this, I am holding my breath to see how this is going to work out. Tigger is supposed to be an outside cat. But he is living in my daughter's bedroom until he is used to us, so he doesn't run away.
My daughter loves this cat like nothing I have ever seen before. She is completely devoted and enamored with Tigger. It has been the best thing for her I could have ever imagined. It has tempered her, and given her a softness.
And I am holding my breath. Hoping beyond hope that I am not setting her up for heartbreak.
I am kicking myself all over the place for ever allowing the thing to happen. I knew better! (I think I said that already...)
I just pray to God, St. Francis, and all the guardian angels that this works... That hubby and son don't become big red, swollen snot balls. That Tigger adapts well to being an outside cat. That Tigger doesn't run away or, worse, get hurt.
I guess, like anything in life, it's just "wait and see." In the meantime, I will be walking the fine line between doing what is best for my youngest and what is best for hubby & son... And praying they eventually make peace with each other...

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