Saturday, March 22, 2008

Caution: Fashion Disaster

So, I was at Khol's today trying on Easter outfits. (Yes, if you look at the date, you will notice that Easter is tomorrow.) My kids had their outfits a month ago. But you know what they say about the Shoemaker's children, who had no shoes...

I came up to a few conclusions while I was trying on virtually every outfit in the store:

  • Everyone who had a full-length mirror in their kitchen would be far less shocked when they saw themselves in the dressing room

  • Fashion Designers harbor some deep, personal hate for a woman's waist.

Case in point: Every single pant or skirt came to the hip. (For those of us who are post-baby, that can spell trouble- in the form of "muffin top")

Every single top or dress had an empire waist that hugged right under the breasts. (And blousing out so very unattractively around the belly.)

If I were pregnant, today's fashions would allow me to go virtually unnoticed for months- maybe up until the delivery.

On the flip side, these same fashions make even Kate Moss look a little chunky. So for us mere mortals, who come with extra cushion and some unfortunate rolls, the dresses end up translating roughly to "moo moo".

Truly, there is about 5% of the population- who is not pregnant- who looks good in these fashions. I, obviously, am not one of the 5%.

I did end up finding a totally "un-hip" skirt and sweater set that I found classy & flattering. It was one of the last outfits I tried on, and it was in the back on the cast-off sale rack. (I chose to consider the sale a bonus, rather than a comment on the fashion style.)

I'm sure in the not-to-distant future the Fashion Designers will come up with some equally un-flattering, offensive, ugly fashions, that we will all buy into whole-hardily, casting aside the moo moo's of today. (Consider leg warmers, shoulder pads, bell bottoms, and wearing your bra as a shirt. Enough said.)

For now, I'll wear my outfit I consider "classic" and let younger, more fit girls wear the bubble tops and low-rise pants and skirts. I figure fashion is fickle enough that eventually, even I will be hip!

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