Monday, March 24, 2008

Plants & Fish: BEWARE!!!

Yesterday we planted a fake fern. Since the past six plants died a sad, slow, "either-too-much-water-or-not-enough-water" death, we decided it was more "humane" to go with a plant that was already dead.

I have effectively killed ivy AND mint. Both plants come with guarantees to take over the entire yard. Not my yard. They shriveled up from lack of water. Then I over compensated on the water, so the dead leaves floated in the dirt.

We have seen similar problems with fish. We got 17 gold fish from a local fair. I groaned inwardly as soon as the first child won "Goldie". The sixteen subsequent gold fish elicited more audible concern. As we toted home the fish, we noticed that approximately 12 were swimming backwards, upside down, or not at all. They all received a watery funeral in our bathroom upon arriving home.

The five remaining fish didn't last through the weekend- despite the brand new fish tank, fish food, fish rocks and fish filter.

Tears streamed like rivers through our household as the last gold fish, "Pooka", circled the toilet bowl on the way to join his siblings. My husband, being a sucker for tears, swooped up our brood, and off to the Wal-Mart fish department we went.

$40.00 later, we had six more, supposedly heartier, fish. Time would prove otherwise. Currently, our fish who sucks the slime off of the bottom of the tank, "Pedro", is the only surviving resident of our fish tank.

The only plant I've been able to keep for any length of time is a houseplant that sits on my kitchen counter. I don't know what kind it is. It seems to be fine with my OCD tendencies to either over-water or completely neglect it. It was actually my grandmother's before she died. So I like to think there's a little angel watching out for it on her behalf.

Surprisingly enough, I seem to do very well with children in our house. I have yet to kill any, and they actually even grow under my care. My children have learned to make themselves cereal if they insist on waking up early on the weekends. And the pizza delivery guy and the Chinese food delivery guy have our home programmed in for regular stops.

I suppose it's a good thing that the kids aren't plants or fish. Especially since I can't hug a plant or kiss a fish!

When the kids are out and on their own I totally expect they will try their hand at both plants and fish. Hopefully, they will have better luck-- for their sakes, and for the sake of plants & fish everywhere...

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