Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Beauty & the Beach

I know this is a pet peeve of mine that I rant about on a fairly regular basis, but I must confess, the beach adds an entirely new element to my obsession over wardrobing out in public. Mostly because there is so much less wardrobe to view.

I am all about being comfortable in your own skin, being proud of your body, and trying to be all you can be. However, there are still boundaries and some social modesty, which apparently totally escape a very large portion of the population.

I saw (literally) tons of gelatinous flesh straining against small bands of spandex. Who knew there was that much cellulite in the world? Much less on the small part of the Gulf Coast we were on. People would lumber over to a tiny lawn chair and plop down uneasily. Then, sit for hours, until they have to almost roll over on all fours just to get up.

What really struck me today was the amount of money that was floating around on the beach. While the Dolce & Gabanna bikinis that said D on one triangle and G on the other did make me think, "Wow, that is an expensive bathing suit," it did nothing to dissuade my eyes from the large, round belly, making the wearer look like she was about 68 weeks pregnant (topped off, of course, with a diamond dangle belly button ring). And, even though the European inspired speedos are indeed tiny and expensive, if you can't see them because of the man's over-hanging stomach, it really loses something.

Talk about some self-confidence! I like bathing suits that cover all the important stuff AND (at least I try to) compliment my figure. I ask the question again and again: Why does the fashion industry allow bikinis over a size 10? (10's are questionable, but can be OK on some taller women). (NOTE: I do not qualify for bikinis when I use this standard. And yet, I am not offended, as I realize this is not a personal affront, rather a common sense rule that should be made and enforced.) And why, oh why, do we allow speedos in America at all? Shouldn't that be confiscated at the border along with the fresh fruit and lighters?

These folks do make me feel extraordinarily attractive and svelte. No matter how "pudgy" I am, a size 16 woman in a size 8 string bikini with gold trim makes me look like a centerfold. Heck, a size 6 woman in a size 2 bikini makes me look good!
When people are modest and use social etiquette, no matter what their weight, race, sex or age, they look more beautiful.
Even the young, thinner kids don't do themselves any justice with a bikini that doesn't fit them. But, they do seem to have such a better grasp on what looks good on them.

Some would argue that "anything" would look good on them. Not true. I've seen beautiful, thin girls with a truly ugly case of muffin top going on. I've seen hot guys with speedos that make me want to throw a cover over them.

But, I simply can not understand how someone can look in a mirror hanging out of a bathing suit which is obviously three (or so) sizes too small and think, "Wow, I'm HOT!" No matter how big or little they are! An ill-fitting suit on the beach is just flat-out ewwwww!!!!
Long story short, I really think if we have life guards on the beach to make sure we don't drown, we should really have fashion guards to make sure we don't commit beachwear attire suicide. I would even go so far as to volunteer to train the fashion guards to make sure they use some modicum of tact when they go to assist these people who either don't know- or just don't care-that they are in major violation of pleasing beach aesthetics.
After all, if someone doesn't have a friend who will tell them the truth, that doesn't mean they shouldn't hear it... And I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't agree to having a more pleasant view.

1 comment:

ThePrincessMommy said...

Omigosh! This is so funny - I love the Speedo parts - they are so gross!