The Meter is Running...

How is it that when it is time for me to go to bed, it takes every bit of energy and strength I left in my body just to brush my teeth and climb under the covers? But my darling children went to bed over 30 minutes ago and I can still hear them singing and making kid noises? When did I become "old"???

I don't remember being "old" in college. I was a pro at coming in from a party in time to change clothes and go to class (please, don't tell mom & dad!).

I certainly don't remember being "old" after I got married. Husband and I passed many a night watching reruns while it snowed like crazy outside. Then we got up early, dug out our cars and went to work.

I don't remember being "old" when I was pregnant. I felt full of life, excited and full of hope.

I remember being "tired" when the kids were babies- and rightfully so! I slept no more than 2 1/2 hours at any given time. Then when there was more than one child, I got to contend with several different schedules, too. But I wasn't "old"...

I guess when my oldest went to school was when I started to "age". Suddenly, my time was no longer my own. Child wanted to do after-school activities, play soccer, play baseball, have play dates with friends. I was left- literally- holding the bag. And driving. And driving. And driving...

Today I am an expert juggler. I can juggle three kids schedules, along with a traveling husband, several committee leadership positions, a household, a job and a dog. That's not to say nothing ever drops... It just means I spend a lot of time sweeping up messes, along with juggling!

The license plate on the front of my van reads: Mom's Taxi. How true! It is nothing for me to spend upwards of three - four hours a day in the car transporting children to and from "stuff". And I LOVE it! I love watching the kids' progression in activities & their sheer joy at accomplishment!

But--- It has made me "old". It has made their joyous laughter past 9:00 PM sound shreik-y and loud. It has made their uncontainable excitement for the morning a little much to bare on Saturday at 6:30 AM. It has made "quiet time" mandatory- not as much for them, as for me.

When my time became someone else's, so did my watching, listening and feeling. And every once in a while, I have to turn all that off, and focus once again on ME.

Caregivers are selfless, tireless, angelic individuals who give and give. But we have to have time to renew and recharge.

So, maybe I'm not "old"- maybe I'm just "smarter????" OK- maybe I'm "old" AND "smarter"! Either way, it's past time for me to brush my teeth and fall into bed... I'd better get going if I'm going to make it before I fall asleep on the couch... See you in the car rider lane tomorrow...