Magic Pill...

I want a magic pill...

And not just some silly diet pill that "curbs my appetite." -- It's not my appetite I want changed! It's my metabolism!

I want a magic pill that makes me process food like a nuclear Kitchen Aide. I want to be one of those women who say, " I just eat and eat, but I just can't seem to gain weight..." I want to eat my own body weight (that would be a slim, yet curvaceous 110-ish pounds) in anything I want. I want to eat pasta & ice cream after 6:00 PM and not gain 6 pounds for doing it! I want the LOADED baked potato at lunch and I want a WHOLE donut with my breakfast.

But mostly, I want to quit counting, quit budgeting, quit compromising. I just want to enjoy food for what it is- instead of continually searching for the "negative calorie" foods, or determining how many "points" are in 14 grapes, or locating the "glycemic index" of steamed broccoli.

I want to be obsessed over which bathing suit shows off my tan best- not which sandwich has more "fat grams". I want to enjoy moving my body in play and dance- not "exercising" to counter the cookies I ate.

Sometimes I wonder how far I am away from being a Medical Channel story with some chipper English voice-over saying, "The subject has not left her house for over four years- two of which she has been confined to her bed, unable to roll her enormous body over, without assistance."

Then I remember, oh yeah, I'm a mom. There's a "fat" chance I will EVER stay in my own house for an entire day- let alone my own room- unless I'm sick, dying or both.

Plus, my husband would eventually get to a point where he said something like, "Honey, that dress doesn't make your butt look big. Your butt makes your butt look big." (or something equally sensitive & compassionate.)

So, while I (hopefully) will never make "prime time" (or even "cable") on the Medical Channel, I still worry over calories in/calories out. And I (along with countless others) would love to just STOP! Just take a little pink or blue or purple pill, and have weight just melt away like butter too close to a hot stove.

Scientists may be working on it, but to my knowledge, are nowhere close to the strength I am looking for. So for now, I must at least attempt to retain my current wardrobe- instead of letting my "fat clothes" get small.

Maybe someday I'll shop for a wardrobe with a smaller number in the tag. But for now, I'll just cut out the tags of the clothes that fit, watch the food intake, try to jump around and shake off the excess sometimes, and pray modern science comes through for us all.

I mean, they have drugs to help alleviate allergy symptoms, fight off pain, decrease fever, help us sleep, help us stay awake, keep us happy, calm us down, keep our sugar regulated, help us have babies, help us not have babies, increase our heart rate, decrease out blood pressure or cholesterol, etc., etc., etc. They even have pills to help someone GAIN weight!!!!

Surely, my magic weight loss pill is just around the corner! I'll even be a tester for it! Listen, I have no problems being thin "un-naturally". I just want to look good in an outfit that doesn't require elastic! And I want to eat chocolate without shame or apology!